I’ve held this post in my head for about a week…turning it over and over…debating if I really wanted to write the words that were bouncing around in my brain. Debating if I really wanted to use a blog title that comes from a game that some might find a little too racy.

Did I really want to admit that I not only know about this game, but enjoy playing it and laughing so hard that tears begin to fill my eyes and eventually escape to my cheeks?

Did I really want to risk an intervention?

Even though my friends and I have no problem playing A Game for Good Christians,  I, and maybe my friends, have this slight fear…what if others find out?

The fear creeps into my mind and I can feel others’ eyes staring at me in silent judgment. Then anxiety makes its way from the pit of my stomach to the middle of my chest in anticipation of the dreaded call, text or softly spoken words: “we need to talk.”

This has been my reality for the majority of my Christian life. But…

Today, I don’t care.

Today, I choose to not let Jesus escape my view.

Today, I choose to cling to 1 John 4:18

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear expects punishment. The person who is afraid has not been made perfect in love.” (CEB).

Today, I refuse to write the disclaimer that my mind is screaming at me to write because reality is: I’m loved and valued by God right now just as I am.

God’s love and value doesn’t change based on my actions or me being “good enough.” So, even when I don’t fit the image that others create of a “good Christian” I’m still a beloved child of God and so are you.

This truth, we are all beloved children of God, is what kept me from abandoning the church. The mixed message the church has sent to a multitude of people about their worth is one reason why I’m in seminary.

During my almost ten years in campus ministry, I had far too many conversations with young adults who experienced deep hurt because of Christians (even well-meaning ones). I felt so helpless in the midst of those conversations. All I could do was apologize…but inside I was screaming

THIS ISN’T HOW IT’S SUPPOSE TO BE!

THIS. ISN’T. JESUS!

I wanted things to change…I needed things to change. THOSE people just didn’t get it. How can they call themselves Christians?

As those words made their way through my brain  I realized my hypocrisy.

In the midst of my anger and frustration I became the one silently judging — forgetting that even THOSE people were beloved children of God. I wanted to believe that Jesus had pulled a Houdini and escaped the walls of those churches and those people. But, Jesus is not Houdini. He’s not trying to escape the messiness of our world, our churches or our lives. Instead, Jesus entered this world in order to extended grace to all of us who have never been and never will be “good enough.”

This Advent season, as many of us experience a holy anticipation, may we not only remember Ricky Bobby’s “8 pounds 6 ounces… new born infant Jesus, don’t even know a word yet”, but also the Jesus who is ever present and ever with us.

My hope this Advent is that the Jesus who loves those of us who aren’t “good enough Christians” for others and those who aren’t “good enough Christians” for us would empower us to love like him.